What comes next?

A few short months ago I was ready to give away all hope and fancies of working for myself. After 4 years of trying to pursue a handmade business I was ready to accept that despite my efforts it just wasn't happening and so I might as well go back to making just for my family and for gifts.

I've started knitting in a pretty big way and have really appreciated knitting every day to make really beautiful clothing for my family. I've had the time to sit back and enjoy my crafts and trying new things without the pressure of finishing an order or attempting to make something that would be popular enough to sell.

I've also been thinking a lot. About how much I dislike making items that I don't personally like, but that somebody wants and will pay money for. About how I like to be free to make what I love. And now for the real problem - that I often seem to like things that other people don't like or aren't interested in.

All this leads me to ponder on my former philosophy of art and craft - that the two blend together almost seamlessly. But am I wrong? Because lately, I feel a direct leaning towards art as opposed to craft. My business card says "Textile Artist", but have I ever really taken myself seriously as an artist or am I just "the lady who makes stuff"?

Why am I writing all this? Because I don't know what to do next. My years as a Mum has seen me gain and study so many artistic and crafty skills that when I actually list these skills it seems amazing even to me. Yet I have no direction. I don't know what to do next. My approach so far has been to create what I like and hope it would sell. Sometimes it works - usually it doesn't. 

My ultimate dream is to be a self supporting handmade artist. So, what comes next?

By the way, thanks for listening, it helps to share :)

Persistance.

In high school I had an adversary. She and I were considered the "best" singers in the school, and in fact, I was considered the better vocalist.  It didn't bother me that I had a rival - until she started getting the roles I wanted. At the annual school musical auditions there would be the tense wait for the announcement of roles, only for me to learn, once again, that I was to play second fiddle in the supporting role.
As I was the better vocalist, you might be wondering why? Was her father the school Principal? No. Was she somehow connected to the musical director? No.
It was her character. She was an extrovert, a supremely confident performer, she was driven and never gave up.
I was quiet, reserved, didn't believe in my own abilities and seriously lacked confidence. This lead me to miss out on many opportunities (not necessarily as a singer but in life thus far) and it is something I'm still battling today.

I don't make New Year's resolutions, but I do have a serious ponder over what I would like to do differently at the beginning of each year.
This year I want to believe in myself. As I now move more towards art and design, I want to be confident that I can have some measure of success in my endeavours. I want to believe that my designs will start to sell, that my art is good enough to make prints, have exhibitions and that there are really people out there who would like my art in their homes. I want to know that if I persist with the guitar I can become really good and bring joy to others and glory to God through my music.
I want my children to benefit from having a positive and happy Mother.

I have a long way to go and a lot of work to do. But maybe, just maybe, this year will be the year for positive change.

Thanks for reading. God bless :)

Cubbyhouses and perspective

We spent a lovely afternoon with some friends the other day. My girls had such a great time playing in the beautiful wooden cubbyhouse on the hill, leading to a slide down to the huge sandpit and a big trampoline.
The girls were reluctant to leave, (there is also a playground directly across the road from the house) and as we did a sort of sadness crept over me.


Image credit


We don't have a cubbyhouse or sandpit. Our trampoline is old and coming apart. Our backyard is a fair size by city standards, but there is no room for a swing set or other play equipment.
Yep, I was feeling like we aren't providing for our children well enough because of our financial situation.

And then today I received a letter in the mail that was such a timely reminder that I'm sure God is prodding me! One of my sisters - in - law is a religious sister and currently lives in Kolkata, India. She writes a letter a month and we get a copy. I'm sure she wouldn't mind my sharing these brief extracts from her letter.

"One form of poverty that I can't bear is to see women in raggy clothes that expose their bodies. Sickness, hunger, homelessness don't strip them of their dignity anywhere as much as nakedness does, and when I see them that glimpse remains as a very painful picture in my memory".


"... India which is a mix of great progress and primitive poverty. What is considered normal here is a shock to outsiders".

So I gathered a couple of camping tarps, headed out to the garden and cleared a little patch beneath some branches and between the lavender and arum lilies. One of the tarps went on the ground, the other suspended by branches.

Added a couple of girly faux flowers, patchwork blanket and pretty yarn, and that's it! They were so delighted and I was humbled.

I looked around the garden and gave thanks for the great things we do have, because there are so, so many.

Teapot

I like teapots. I like them for their aesthetic and practical applications. When my mother died I received a small teapot of hers which set me on the path of freshly brewed tea. Unfortunately that teapot that gave me many years of piping hot cuppas was accidentally broken recently and I've been on the search for a replacement ever since.


All images courtesy of wikimedia commons

There are 2 problems : price and function. Either they are too pricey or they leak, clog, or do something else that is really annoying.

                                  
If you have any teapot recommendations please do enlighten me, I can't take the teabags much longer!

What are you going to do when you grow up?

                                                                                                Image source

This question has been playing on my mind a little lately. You see, I'll be 35 this year and still haven't decided on the right "thing" for me. When I say "thing" I'm referring to some sort of a career or occupation other than being a wife and mother.

When I was little I wanted to be a hairdresser (feel free to roll your eyes) but the novelty of that idea didn't last. When I completed high school I was strongly encouraged (pushed) to go to university. Unfortunately my scores were not high enough to go into my 2 choices of either Psychology or Nursing so I ended up in a course I loathed and subsequently quit. I've quit a lot of things since then and find it very difficult to stay with one thing.

I realise that as my children grow older I need to be able to have some sort of an income. And I do relish the idea of one day having a bit of extra money. The thought of working in the types of jobs I did pre - babies does not thrill me in the slightest. I no longer want to work just for money - I want the fulfillment that comes from using your skills and talents to support yourself. I want to be excellent rather than mediocre.

So here's a bit of fun.

When I grow up I'm going to live in the country in a grand and beautiful old home. I will offer classes from my home in various arts including embroidery, cake decorating, bread and patisseries. My husband will not need to work as we have a collection of sought after farm animals and are proficient in their husbandry. Our children are all happy and superbly educated (ahem!) Sounds good hey?

So how about you? Have you decided what you want to be when you grow up yet?

Self worth

I've been struggling with this for quite some time now and it's getting worse.
Last year I had a job interview for the first time in many years and was struck by this realisation: I don't believe in myself anymore. In my darker times I think of myself as a loser! The one who never made anything of herself.

I don't know how this happened. But I do know it goes hand in hand with being a "housewife" (for want of better word). I shouldn't feel like this. I have a loving and encouraging husband. My children love me and depend on me.
It is so important to me that as my children grow and develop they have the belief that they can reach great heights and nothing within reason is out of reach. Am I conveying that to them when my own self worth has dwindled to next to nothing?

When I was performing I sang to rooms of people on a regular basis. I wasn't phased. I knew I was good. People liked to hear me sing. It was a great feeling.
Now I find that I'm constantly trying but getting nowhere - I guess that I feel I no longer have anything to offer. I'm naturally a creative person and find it difficult that I'm unable to make a living from that creativity - I have that silly feeling that money = success.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this. Letting off steam helps a little. And I would love to hear from anyone who finds themselves in the same situation or has been through it. I hope it doesn't sound like a "will someone please feel sorry for me?" post - that isn't my intention.

Thanks for listening :)

Posts from the past

Considering I now have 510 posts on this blog I figured it was about time to actually look back at what I'd written (weird that I'd never done it before!) Perhaps I was worried about being haunted by things I never should have posted. I'm happy to report there are no such skeletons. Apart from the things I was "going to do" and never did. This time last year I was gearing up excitedly to release my first doll pattern..... it never happened.
I was also a little confused as to how I deemed the quality of my early photographs as suitable eye candy. Thank goodness that has improved! It seems I also neglected how to post a link properly, another issue that has thankfully been fixed.

So I've been thinking about my goals for this year and will be posting them shortly. They will be decidedly realistic and attainable - one thing I am slowly learning is to not set myself up for disappointment by aiming too high.

I've been enjoying reading other's goals for the year in all their variety.

Talk soon. God bless.

Has blogging changed?

Or is it my naivety that leads me to ponder in this way?

The number of bloggers who seemingly start out as your everyday "I'm here to share" type personality and quickly become "hey, I have 600 followers, time to make some money!" seem to be on the increase. Have you been romanced yet? The blogger who "finds" your blog and leaves a comment for every post you write, quickly becoming your best blogger friend. And what happens when you become a follower of their blog or buy something from them? You never hear from them again. Ever. No emails, no comments, nothing. Sound familiar?

I realise that blogging can be a good way to make money. It can be a great advertising platform for your business (I always mention a new Etsy listing and have links to my shop) but doesn't there need to be more than that? These thoughts led me to revisit my reasons for starting a blog in the first place.

I enjoy reading other blogs.

I have learned a great deal about various crafts, homeschooling and so many other interests from the internet and blogs. I felt that I could also share skills in this way.

Initially I wanted to document my sewing and crafting journey. My blog has become more personal over the years so that I now also share a lot of myself and my family.

I still think blogging is a great thing, but I guess from time to time I start to feel a little disillusioned by the whole "big blogger, small blogger" thing. Kinda like a popularity contest?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the subject......

Oh, and by the way - if you're one of those bloggers I've been "romanced" by - I no longer visit you. But then I guess you wouldn't be reading my lowly little post now would you?

Dream home?

Sigh

Sigh

All images from here

                                                                      Double sigh












    

Which direction to take? Advice please?!

I had thoughts of stocking my Etsy shop for Christmas but I feel (and have felt for some time) that I'm at a crossroads with my craft. I desperately want to make my passion for craft into a career but can't decide what to do, it's so frustrating!

I have sold a few dolls this year which is nice, however this is just pocket money, not an income. With dolls you put in a lot of work for a little money. I'd like to take the next step with hand dyeing and sell some fabrics but I'm not sure if there is any demand. Likewise with my embroidery patterns. It's not that I mind putting in the work but I think it all comes back to my fear of failure that plagues me constantly.
I've failed before. In fact, any "business" or money making venture I've undertaken has ultimately failed. I see others succeeding at things I have failed at and I don't know why.

My husband suggested that I try doing a market with my hand dyed fabrics just to see how it goes, which seems a good idea but would take a lot of work and organisation. It would also mean I would have to stop being such a hermit(ess).
Any advice would be very well received, in any case, thanks for "listening" :)

Hand painted doilies

Like many avid crafters I'm fairly fond of the old doily. I had a few op shop doilies in my stash and thought it was time to do something with them, then the idea of adding colour, lots of colour, struck me!

I used my Liquid Radiance paints and it was all pretty simple really.

The paints can be strategically placed without too much bleeding. I'm thinking these ones need to be put on cushions, perhaps even wall art?

Now I have to go op shopping and hunt down some more doilies, anyone interested in a tutorial?

My husband is home today and I had a great morning with my 3 year old girl. We went and had babycinos and looked through the pet and toy shop. It's so enjoyable to have one child on their own and to focus on them and appreciate their unique personality. We always stress the importance of one on one time with each child, particularly for larger families. It may not be easy to arrange but it is so worth doing, you create individual memories for that child and renew your personal bond with them.

Have a nice day, God bless!

Some people are really sweet

As a general statement (I'm good at making those) I'd say there is a great deal of greediness in the world today. People who want, want and want some more. Who take from others thoughtlessly. 

Through having this blog I've gladly found some people who are the exact opposite. They are thoughtful and will give without expecting any return. They will send you something just because they know how nice it is to get a parcel. Or just because they know you would like it or could use it.

Thank you Nic for a parcel of loveliness that brightened my day.

Thank you to all others who take the time to think of me and who bother to read my little blog.

Make your vote count

Unless you live under a rock you will be aware tomorrow is an important day for Australia.

When I was growing up there were a few "taboo" subjects - one of them being politics. There was no discussion, just an expectation that you would vote a certain way simply because that was what the family had always done. This is what I did for a while until I became interested enough to really look into who I was voting for.

 I urge you to take the time to find out as much as you can about the party and candidates you intend to vote for. You may be surprised at what you uncover. Don't rely on the media to tell you who to vote for, they are very biased and sensationalist.

So, who am I voting for tomorrow? I'll tell you who I won't be voting for. I don't think an atheist who supports abortion up to birth and has communist affiliations is what our country needs. I hope that whoever wins will steer Australia in the right direction and have the citizen's best interests at heart.

Happy voting!

The Craft and Quilt Fair and handling rejection

I was really excited about attending the C & Q Fair so perhaps my expectations were too high. The last time I went was 2 years ago and basically nothing much has changed. I did make a few purchases that I'm happy with, but as far as inspiration goes the fair did little for me. I guess by going on the last day you would expect some frayed tempers and tired stall holders - I know I would be.

And now to rejection. Yes, I've just had another magazine rejection which leads me to contemplate whether anyone is actually interested in what I do, whether I should be bothering to do this design course, whether I should be thinking I can make it as a designer / artist / craftist?!!
Rejection sure does hurt, but I know I'll get back on the horse - what else can I do? I love to design, I love to make things and I love the artistic skill involved in what I do. So, even minus the accolades I will keep on doing what I feel driven to do.

How do you handle rejection?

Taking a break....

I'm imposing a computer ban on myself except for email and study purposes. I'm finding that I spend more and more time doing nothing in particular on the internet and end up feeling sapped.
I won't be away too long - see you soon!

Buying seconhand as well as this and that...

Do you remember my previous post about buying secondhand?

The latest purchase is a lawn mower, which was a necessary after the other mower (which was also secondhand and very old!) gave up the ghost. The cost of this one was $130 - a new one would have been about $350. It runs beautifully.

Secondhand price $130

New price $350

Saving $ 220


Total savings tally for 2010 - $320
So far, all savings have gone towards the mortgage as extra repayments.

In other news my sewjo seems to have evapourated this week, it must be the tiredness. I think right now I am more tired than ever before, I really need a good nights sleep but the little one won't have it. I keep telling myself it will soon improve, I know it will...

We are going away over the weekend for one night, I've been looking forward to that! I'll give details upon our return, there may also be some pics of a new feline addition to our family.

God bless and have a great weekend!

Under the weather

I've had a funny virus this week that's left me feeling pretty run down. It has also coincided with the little one teething so I haven't had a decent sleep for a while. I feel like my brain's wound up while the body is the opposite. I'm sick of my house, sick of my daily routine, sick of feeling sick of.......  I feel like I need some serious cheering up.

Maybe a visit to the oppy?........ We'll see what tomorrow brings.

And the grumpy Mum award goes to....

 

                                                                     Image from here


                                              ME!!


The little one kept me up half the night (teething), the house is a chaotic mess and I'm not the only one who's moody. Ah, well - it can only get better from here right?

Sigh. We're back.

I must admit, I'm not all that thrilled to be home.

I could have stayed. For good.

That's me half way up a sand dune, full of energy, breathing that gorgeous fresh air blowing right off the ocean.

What a stunningly beautiful place.

Going away from home has added fuel to the fire. We feel suffocated in the suburbs, we don't want to bring our children up here. We're racking our brains as to how we can afford to get back to the country. We need open space, fresh air and clean land. We'll get there somehow, God willing.

Bye for now!

I'm sorry to say I'll be away for the next week, relaxing in our favourite coastal town - sigh, such is life!

See you all when I get back.

God bless, keep well!