Real estate speak translations

File:Dilapidated house at Murlaggan - - 969611.jpg

As we now search for our next home and are "seasoned buyers" I feel I'm getting quite good at translating the traditional real estate language that most agents seem to speak.

For those of you who don't have a lot of experience in the home buying game, here are a few pointers for you:

"Plenty of room for the kids to play outdoors" - The house is so tiny it will actually make the yard look massive.

File:Dilapidated house at Blairgie - - 1752905.jpg

"Unique staircase" -Exceptionally steep. More of a ladder really. Prepare to climb.

"Cosy" - You won't be swinging any cats in here!

"Comfortable family home" - Sure, if you have 1.6 children!!

"Renovator's delight" - Current residents are a family of possums and many families of rodents.

"Overlooking a pond" - Some bright spark dug a gigantic hole two feet from the front door, filled it with water and named it "pond".

File:Dilapidated croft house at Eyre - - 1779627.jpg
All dilapidated house pictures courtesy of wikimedia commons

"Turn of the century, original wood oven" - Hasn't actually functioned for about 80 years and will need to be removed.

"Unusual" - plain ugly

"Outdoor room that could be utilized as additional guest accommodation" - I wouldn't put a dog in that cold, dirty, dingy room let alone a guest!!!

Best of luck finding your dream home!


Clodagh a.k.a. Isra said...

that was funny, thanks i needed that

Erin said...

Oh you are making me laugh:)

m.e (Cathie) said...

hehee! funny!!

how did you go with the teapot Kel?

i still haven't sent you those mags, been a bit quiet round here..sorry ♥

Jodie said...

I love this! Especially coming from a real estate background (in my previous non creative life). I would cringe at some of the advertising copy that I would need to submit. You are spot on :)

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